Adolescence is not an easy time for kids and parents. A teenager is changing both externally and internally: he forms his own identity, changes his previous views on the world, and at this time he needs to hear his voice more than ever. Accordingly, conflicts with peers and parents in adolescence occur very, very often. How to help a teenager survive this difficult period - we will tell you in this article.
The causes of teenage conflicts
Lack of reliable information
Often, conflict between teenagers arises from misunderstandings or misunderstood facts, as well as “thanks” to rumors that children often spread at this age.
Social norms
This includes both the difference in the social status of adolescents and the refusal to meet certain social standards or obey authorities.
Moral values
Conflict between adolescents can arise from differences in their moral principles, for example, when one of them tries to impose their opinion on another.
Unmet expectations in friendships and relationships
Teens often idealize relationships between people, going to extremes and not recognizing colors other than black and white. If the behavior of a teenager's friends does not meet his standards, a conflict is likely to occur.
Why is it important to resolve conflicts?
Unresolved conflicts have a negative impact on a teenager's self-esteem, emotional and mental state, as well as cause anxiety and even depression. On the other hand, successfully resolved conflicts improve communication skills, teach you how to regulate emotions, find a compromise, reflect on your behavior and value system, and allow disputing parties to get to know each other better and deepen communication.
The mission “Successfully resolve the conflict”: how to help a teenager
As psychologists say, there are many strategies for resolving conflict. The most common ones include submission, struggle, compromise, withdrawal, and third party intervention.
Submission implies a concession in a dispute. A person satisfies the opponent's need to extinguish the conflict.
Compromise means negotiating with an opponent in order to fully or at least partially meet the needs of both sides.
Wrestling involves defending one's own point of view at all costs.
Care involves leaving the conflict in order to think about the arguments and come back to it later or leave it unresolved.
Intervention a third party involves the involvement of a disinterested person who could objectively “resolve” the current situation.
Which strategy to choose depends on the specific situation. For example, if a teenager is in conflict with a bully, compromise and submission would not be acceptable options. In this situation, an exit strategy or the intervention of a third, more authoritative person (teacher, authority) will work best.
Step-by-step instructions to help resolve the conflict
- Show your opponent that you want to settle the conflict. Describe your feelings and ask how the other participants feel. Listen carefully to your interlocutor and ask him questions if you don't understand his point of view. The needs of the parties should be understood by all parties to the conflict.
- Suggest options and listen to your opponent's ideas. Cooperation is the best way to resolve a conflict and come to a common denominator in a dispute. Depending on the situation, choose and use the strategies mentioned above.
- Come to an agreement. Each of the parties to the dispute should speak out: tell us what conclusion they came to and what the conflict taught them.
What else is important to remember during a conflict
In order not to take the dispute beyond what is permitted, you need to remember a few things:
- Take a deep breath. If things get out of hand, it's best to step back and take a breath before you keep arguing.
- Be able to recognize and express feelings.
- Learn to manage anger.
- Think about the consequences.
- Remember that in any difficult situation, humor is your best friend =)
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