Most parents quite naturally believe that their main mission in children's lives is to help them become successful. However, many psychologists are of the opinion that it is even more important to teach children how to cope with failures.
The inability to accept defeats leads to excessive anxiety and refusal to try to achieve the goal.
The famous American basketball player Michael Jordan has often talked about the importance of losing. It is failures that develop perseverance in a person and fuel the desire to overcome difficulties and eventually become a winner.
“I can accept failure. Everyone is testing them in some way. But I can't accept not trying it,” Jordan said.
How to help your child become more tolerant of failure
The first step is empathy
If you see that something didn't work out for the child, don't devalue his feelings. Of course, it's much easier to brush it off and say what will happen next time, but that won't make children less disappointed. Voice your child's feelings and show that you understand and accept them.
Show an example
Explain to your child that failures happen to everyone and even to you, but that doesn't make you an outsider. Share examples from your own experience and show that life doesn't always go according to plan.
We learn from failures
If something doesn't work out for the child, discuss what can be fixed and how to behave next time. This will teach the child to accept and be able to correct mistakes. Show that every defeat has a lesson that you need to learn so that the same situation does not happen again in the future. “Please try again. Fail yourself again. Fail better.” ー Samuel Beckett wrote.
Let your child make a mistake
Even if you see that what the child has in mind won't succeed, let him try it. Of course, it will be difficult to restrain yourself and not get involved. But it's worth it. The experience of disappointment that a child will go through will make him resistant to failed attempts and help him gain confidence to face new challenges.
Make mistakes with your child... intentionally!
If your child spends a lot of time doing homework because he is afraid of making even the smallest mistake, ask him to write a short text on a piece of paper, making as many mistakes as possible. This game will help the child realize that blots and crossed out letters are not the end of the world.
Failure is a reason for reflection
Explain to your child that failures happen and don't have to be taken personally. Mistakes are needed to analyze and avoid them in the future. Any failure is an opportunity for growth.
If something doesn't work out for your child, talk to them about it by answering the following questions together:
- What led to the failure?
- Is this my fault?
- How can I turn failure into success?
- What do you need to do to start over?
- What can I do every day to make a new attempt more successful?
It is failures that form character
Explain to your child that success doesn't come right away. This is a long and laborious process that many people have been working on for years. They fall, get up again and continue on their way. Failures can be the best motivator and make a person stronger. This is how he prepares himself for future success.
“The secret to life is to fall seven times and get up eight times,” said the famous writer Paulo Coelho.
Those who don't fear failure can do better
Tell your child that there are people who are terribly afraid of making a mistake. This results in them not even trying to make their dream come true. How many adults would love to start their own business, shoot a movie, or go on a trip around the world! But the fear of making a mistake prevents them from even starting.
As the famous politician Roy Bennett said, don't be afraid of failure—be afraid of not trying.
Ask for help
If you notice that your child is pathologically afraid of failures and mistakes, consult a specialist.
Is your child afraid to try new things for fear of making mistakes? Create as many opportunities for him as you can! For example, write it down to free trial lesson at Progkids!
