Everyone learns to choose from childhood. Kids decide what toys to play with, teenagers decide where to go to study. The older the child is, the more difficult and responsible his choice becomes. Sometimes it can be very difficult to do it, and the task of an adult is not to choose for children, but to help them develop their skills to make independent decisions.
The more situations of choice there are in the child's everyday life, the more he will “build the muscles” of determination.
Choose without going beyond
Giving children the opportunity to choose does not mean giving them full freedom of action. You should set boundaries but allow you to make your own decisions within them. For example, they can choose which fruit they want to snack on but not eat chocolate instead.
The smallest ones should be given two options to choose from so that you agree to either of them in advance. For example, you see in a store that several pairs of boots are being sold at a price that suits you let your child choose the color himself.
Familiarity with the decision-making process
Most adults are so used to making decisions that they may not even think about the process that goes through their heads when making a choice. However, children are not yet that experienced. Thinking out loud when making decisions will help children develop their own algorithm.
So, the next time you're deciding what to make for dinner or what movie to watch, say out loud the pros and cons of all options. After that, make a choice with your child.
It's your turn now!
When your child is faced with a dilemma, ask him to voice all possible alternatives, as well as the pros and cons of this or that option. For example, if your child needs to decide where to go to a friend's birthday party or to a movie with a cousin, have them answer the following questions:
What is more interesting to him?
What do you need to prepare for each event?
How would his friend and cousin feel if he didn't show up?
Is it possible to reschedule one of the events?
At the end of the discussion, ask your child to make his own decision.
Your opinion matters!
Such conversations not only teach the process of choice, but also show the child that their opinion matters and also increase their self-confidence.
Show that you support the child, but don't make decisions for them.
Questions that can help you make a decision
What decision do I need to make?
What options do I have?
What are the pros and cons of each?
Are there any rules to consider when making a decision?
How will this decision affect others?
What does my intuition tell me?
How does this decision make me feel?
What is my plan B?
Decision-making and anxiety
Sometimes it is very difficult for a child to make a decision, because anxiety interferes with the choice process. For example, a teenager may worry about what to wear on a daily basis. Don't be annoyed that he looks slow give your child time to make a decision. Praise the teenager when he makes a choice.
“Quick” solutions
However, if your child has doubts about everything, explain to him that not all decisions are that important. Give children a chance to practice making quick decisions. For example, say that you have half an hour for lunch at a cafe and you need to make a quick choice. If your child has already chosen a dish but is still in doubt, promise that he will be able to order something different next time.
Developing important skills
By giving your child the opportunity to choose, you help them build character by developing more than necessary qualities:
self-confidence, confidence, thoughtfulness, analytical thinking, empathy.
If you want to help your child become more independent, why not sign him up for free trial lesson to Progkids? Many students at our school make their own decisions about what projects they should pursue, and teachers carefully support their choices.
