Does the child go to bed well after midnight because he wants to do his homework perfectly? Does a teenage daughter spend hours taking perfect selfies? Does your son quit sports every time something doesn't work out? It looks like you're raising a perfectionist. This article will tell you what kind of “animal” this is, and what to do with it.
Who are these perfectionists?
Sometimes it's good to try your best to get something done. But waiting for the perfect result is not the most productive solution. But try to prove it to a perfectionist! These individuals set unrealistic goals and are constantly under pressure to reach them. The all-or-nothing principle is the best way to describe perfectionist tendencies. If he scores 99 points out of 100 in the math test or misses one penalty out of ten, he'll consider it a shame.
If they manage to do everything perfectly, perfectionists often attribute this achievement to luck and are afraid that they will not be able to repeat their brilliant result in the future.
Oh, the life of a perfectionist is hard, isn't it?
Types of perfectionists
- Perfectionists who set an unrealistic bar for others.
- Perfectionists who have unbearable expectations for themselves.
- Perfectionists who think parents, teachers, and coaches expect too much from them.
Whatever type of child, any type of perfectionism can have a negative impact on the development of adaptive and other abilities.
How can you tell if a child is a perfectionist?
Here are the main features:
- The child often procrastinates because he is afraid that the result will not “reach” the ideal
- It is difficult for a child to make decisions, make choices, set priorities
- The child is worried that he will not succeed
- The child is quickly disappointed in the case if he sees that he is not doing anything
- The child is prone to self-criticism and is also critical of others
- A child can be shy and easily embarrassed
- It is difficult for the child to finish the job because he does not like the result
Which kids tend to be perfectionistic?
Children with low self-esteem
Guys who subconsciously consider themselves unworthy of love are trying to make up for their imaginary shortcomings by “idealizing” their actions. Unfortunately, however, this does not help at all: perfectionist children usually underestimate their achievements and do not feel that they have succeeded.
Children who fear academic pressure
They may be afraid that they will not go to university if they do not pass their exams well and, therefore, “go out of their way” to achieve something in life.
Children who are only praised for their success
When a child is praised only for his achievements, he has the impression that without them he will be a “nobody” and no one will love him for nothing.
Children of perfectionist parents
As they say, a bad example is contagious. If a child sees parents striving for excellence since childhood, he begins to repeat an unproductive pattern.
Traumatized children
The traumas that children may have suffered in early childhood unconsciously make them strive for the ideal in order to gain love, care and recognition.
How can you help a perfectionist child?
Healthy self-esteem
Help your child choose a hobby that can unleash their potential and, accordingly, improve their self-esteem. Remind us of the importance of the process, not the end result. Let your child enjoy their favorite activity without requiring them to meet any standards.
The main thing is an attempt
If the child did not succeed, but he really tried, be sure to praise him for it.
Don't expect too much
The child is sensitive to your feelings about his successes and achievements. Don't demand too much: remember that everyone moves at their own pace. Set realistic goals that your child can achieve.
Talk about your failures and teach your child how to deal with failure in a healthy way
Your example is very important for a child. If you share your negative experience, it will be easier for him to cope with his “imperfection”.
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